Want.

So I've been thinking for the last few days. ( Yeah, yeah, I sometimes do that. And yes, that would be the smell of burning rubber. ) I was at work doing the usual same old, same old thing and while the store was dead, I let my mind wander off to the most random things.

Why is it that we always seem to want what we can't have? Is it human nature? Or is it caused by what we're subjected to through the media? I guess that a lot of wants are caused by the media.. That perfect body, fame, the latest fashion, etc.. but a lot of other wants seem to be just a flaw of human nature.

But anyways, what's the allure of something you can't have? Is it curiosity? You know, what would it be like to have said thing? Is it the task of striving for what you want, to see if you can make said object yours? I suppose that would make sense, considering it would be a mild ego boost to get something you didn't think you could.. and we all enjoy an ego stroke from time to time. Or maybe that's just me, har har.

I've just noticed, particularily within myself this last while, that I want things that I just can't have. Plain and simply cannot attain ( at least not to the extent that I want it.. ). But despite my own better judgement and inner scolding, I want it anyways. Oh, and I know I am totally beating around the bush, but I really don't feel like being too utterly blatant. I'm just so confused as to why I can't stop myself from wanting and almost feeling like I need something, that at the end of the day and when all is said and done, will never quite be mine for a multitude of reasons.

It all just makes me question myself, which in turn makes me question everyone else. I know that I'm perfectly sane, level headed and logical.. so why would emotions like this make everything go completely topsy turvy? I hate how out of character it makes me feel.

Are we all like this or am I just even more broken than I figured? It's like desperately wanting something that's just out of reach, but it's just so close you can practically taste it. Maybe subconciously I feel like if I reach hard enough, I might just manage at one point.

I can't figure myself out. Am I just a spoiled girl who's so used to getting everything she wants, so used to it that I'm feeling this undeniable urge to have what I can't? I really don't feel like it's that way, but I can't even read myself anymore on this topic. It's gotten to the point where I hardly know which way is up. Maybe, just maybe, this is something I really do need, but fate decided that I failed too bad. Haha, story of my life! :P

I like how this went from a general blog to me playing therapist on myself. Lmao. -__- I know this is going to make like no sense to almost everyone and I'm sorry. I just had to do some venting. I don't make too much sense to myself most of the time, but it feel good to just talk it out. Well, or type it out, smartass. :P And now I'm going to curl up with a book and chillax.