Dependency.

What makes us dependant upon something? What about someone? Is it necessity? Is it want? I've come to notice that recently I've become a rather dependant person and I'm finding that the presence of a certain person can sometimes make or break my day. The feeling is.. well, uncomfortable. It's not something I'm used to feeling. I'm a "go with the flow" kinda girl. There are people in my life who I adore, but you know.. they're there, or they're not. When I do see them, then that's fantastic. If I don't? Well, that's a-okay.

I've bceome too accustomed to the presence of this person that when the typical flow is broken, and I don't see them, it actually effects me. Not like, "Dear God, the world has stopped spinning!!" kind of way. No, noo. But I do actually feel something, which I usually don't. Okay, I'll admit it, I feel a little down over it. At least enough to put a thought to it for a moment or two. I figure it's because it's just become the norm for this person to be there daily, so when they're not, I go, "Whaaa'?". I don't know. I make little sense, I understand that. ;P I just figured I'd write something about this and maybe somewhere along the way it'd start making sense to me.

Honestly, I hate feeling dependant. On anything, or anyone. It makes me feel sorta weak. For those who know me well, I avoid weakness in myself at any cost. I mean, really, hardly anyone has ever seen me cry. And when I do they get really freaked out because it never happens. I'm not all that strong, I know that, at least not when I'm with myself. I guess it's a sort of wall I put up when I'm with people. But anywho. Bottom line is that I'm not the dependant type, so it weirds me out that I've become one. I feel as if a lot of things are changing with me. I'm a thousand times more tempermental, more emotional.. I'm so out of character.

So am I becoming somewhat dependant due to weird changes in myself, or is it really due to this person? If it's the changes, what the hell is going on with me? And if it's the person, well.. why is it that they're effecting me so?

One of my little theories is that this person was someone whom I had gotten to know better, and bonded with through my long bout of illness. I was very, very ill for about three weeks and now that I think about it, with being holed up in my room for 3 weeks, this someone was a constant in my days. Being in practical quarantine kind of dropped me off the face of the earth for those three weeks. I didn't see anyone but my own Dad. It was really lonely. This someone was there for me to talk to and it was nice to forget just how lonely I was for a little bit. Maybe it's some weird psychological thing that I feel attached to this person? Who knows. Apparently I haven't been the same since I was sick. Michelle and a few others have commented on it.

Anyways, that was some insight on what's going on in my head. Sorry you asked? ;P